An Exercise to Reduce Your Social Anxiety

Social anxiety is unique in that, simply by living, those who experience it deal with constant exposure. Even if you opt out of most social situations, certain things can’t be avoided: most of us need to go to school, work for a paycheck, go to the doctor and grocery store. People are everywhere, and part of being in a society means interacting with them. 

The best way to improve at anything is with practice and repetition, but socializing is so deeply uncomfortable for you that it reinforces your fear each time. Why would you want to keep doing that?

This cycle pushes you further into a box: you want to have a life and have relationships, but the road there is paved with extreme discomfort.

The truth is, most of us are engaging in socializing in a way that feels incredibly high stakes. It’s the emotional equivalent of diving into the deep end of a pool to see if you know how to swim; of course you feel panicked.

So how can we make it easier? We start smaller. 

Maybe you can’t avoid these stressful interactions, but adding in intentional practice will help you feel in control and will reduce your overall social anxiety.

Try This Exercise to Reduce Your Social Anxiety

The below exercise is designed to help you take baby steps toward feeling more comfortable around other people. It can be tweaked to fit most environments, and as you get the hang of it you can continue to tweak your approach.

The most important piece of this exercise: your ONLY goal is to try. We’re keeping this as low pressure as possible.

1. Pick an activity. Think of one low stakes interaction to try. You get to decide what low stakes means to you, but typically this will be a brief interaction with someone you don’t know and will likely not see again. Decide ahead of time what the interaction will be. Here are a few ideas: 
   
   - Ask a grocery store worker to show you where something is
   - Compliment a stranger
   - Ask a passerby for directions
   - Ask a barista a question about the menu
   - Tack something onto an existing interaction, i.e. asking your cashier how their day is going
   

2. Give yourself space to calm down. Take a few deep breaths, take a walk, put on your favorite song: be very intentional about creating a few moments to create comfort and safety. You just stretched outside of your comfort zone, and it is crucial to give your brain and body a reminder that you’re safe.
   

3. Record how you feel. As you walk away, reflect on how you felt during the interaction. Did you feel nervous? Was your heart racing? Were you shaking or sweating? And how about now: do you feel relief? Exhilaration? Shame? There are no wrong answers; remember, the only goal is to try.
   

4. Celebrate. Don’t skip this step! Take a moment and bask in pride that you confronted a fear and made it out alive. It doesn’t matter if your voice cracked, you avoided eye contact, or literally ran away after. You tried, and that means you succeeded. Add it to your list of wins and move on with your day.
   

5. Rinse and repeat. Give it a few days or a week and try again. You can try the exact same thing or find something that feels equivalent. Consistency is important. As you continue trying, really tune into step three: does this interaction feel as terrifying the eighth time? How about the 12th? Observe the subtle differences as you grow.
   

Because it is so important, I’ll emphasize again: the only goal is to try.

If the person isn’t nice? Still a success. 

If you got so nervous they could barely hear you? Still a success. 

If someone interrupted and you got flustered and didn’t finish your sentence? Still a success.

Why does this work? It’s a brief exposure followed by safety. Over time and with repetition, this signals to your brain that these previously scary interactions aren’t actually harmful.

It also serves as practice. As you start to take baby steps toward comfort, you might also learn more about what feels good. Maybe you’ll see that smiling while you talk helps you feel more confident. Or that paying a compliment almost always goes well. It is much easier to check in with yourself in these brief, low stakes interactions because your system isn’t totally flooded in panic. 

If you’d like to try incorporating exposures systematically (and safely), please reach out to a social anxiety therapist. They’ll be able to guide you through this process to get you more comfortable. 

Need a social anxiety therapist in Michigan? Click the link below to request a consultation call so we can get started.