A Simple Mindset Trick for Social Anxiety

Social anxiety can show up in just about every part of your life, which feels more like a curse than a blessing. The silver lining? It means there are ample low-stakes opportunities to practice. 

If you’re working with a social anxiety therapist in Michigan, there’s a good chance you’re spending time understanding what is actually happening for you beneath the anxiety symptoms. Addressing the why (i.e. what is it about social interactions that feel so overwhelming? And how did this come to be?) is going to help you heal your social anxiety and improve your confidence. 

Because this can be long term work, your therapist may also work with you to develop social anxiety strategies you can use in your day-to-day life. One exercise I often consider with clients is the practice of assuming good intent. 

How Social Anxiety Shapes Your Interactions

Social anxiety can be boiled down to a deeper fear of being judged or negatively evaluated. It is human nature to crave acceptance and connection, and we’re all wired to be resistant to judgement. If you’re experiencing social anxiety disorder, though, this instinct is so overwhelming that it can consume every interaction you have. 

Our anxious brains often do something that feels self-defeating: look for evidence that the scary thing is actually happening. Frustrating as this may be, it is actually a protective mechanism. If we can find every threat, we can avoid and protect ourselves from it. 

What does this look like with social anxiety?

• Hyper awareness of your surroundings

• Reading into every facial expression, tone, and word choice

• Making an assumption that those around us are judging us negatively

• Leaving social situations or staying quiet to avoid this judgement

This system is constantly running in the background every time you’re in a setting that feels intimidating (read: a party, a room full of unfamiliar faces, a presentation or interview). It is so reliable that we often aren’t consciously aware of it, it just becomes a default belief that shapes every interaction.

What Does it Mean to Assume Good Intent?

This is pretty straightforward: assuming good intent just means operating as if people you meet are considerate and well-meaning. In day-to-day social interactions, that would look like positive regard for others, friendliness, lack of judgement, and openness to new people. 

If you’re working on your social anxiety, how might it look if you changed:

“Everyone I meet is judging me, assumes I’m boring and unintelligent, and is bound to say or think something hurtful about me”

To:

“Everyone I meet is warm and friendly, and is happy to meet and talk to me” ?

This exercise is going to help you explore how a mindset shift might impact your ability to confidently socialize with others.

A Trick to Reduce Social Anxiety

The trick is pretty simple: before going anywhere that you’ll encounter new people, take a moment to consciously attune your mind to an assumption of good intent. 

This can begin in your car or walking to an event; just take a deep breath and tell yourself: everyone I encounter has warm, positive feelings toward me. 

At first, you might notice some resistance. You don’t know these people, so who are you to say how they feel about you? Good question! Because, in truth, you’ve already been doing that. 

If you experience social anxiety, there’s a very good chance you’ve assumed, as a default, that everyone you meet is negatively judging you. This trick is just asking you to replace one random assumption with another.

How does this work?

As noted above, you likely have a default program running in the background that colors your every interaction:

Assume people are judging me → feel exposed → react with fear and clam up or leave

By utilizing this trick, you are interrupting an unconscious process that has historically controlled every interaction. You’re swapping in a new belief that will change the system: 

Assume people are friendly and well-meaning → feel safe and relaxed → interact freely

You will probable need reinforcement the first few (or many) times you try this, so keep repeating it as often as you need to at an event. You can even say it to yourself each time you see a new person. Eventually, it may become your new default.

Note: this is a great trick to incorporate into this social anxiety exercise. I’d suggest reading that post in full, but the goal is to safely expand your comfort zone by mindfully having a brief interaction in a low-stakes environment. Try that exercise paired with this trick to create more ease and continue to expand your capacity. 

Practicing this skill consistently can help reshape your social experience. If you’d like support in applying these and other tools into your life, therapy can help. To get started working with a social anxiety therapist in Michigan, you can click the link below to schedule a consultation call with me.