Coping with Relational Anxiety When Your Partner Is Away

Summer brings with it travel, distance, and disruption from routine. While semesters abroad and vacations can be fun breaks from our daily drudgery, they can also be stressors when it comes to relationships. 

When you’re physically apart from your partner, you may find yourself navigating a mix of emotions. Time apart can trigger anxiety, especially if one or both partners struggle with trust, anxious attachment, or other forms of relational anxiety.

Anxious attachment means you might feel especially worried about your partner pulling away or not caring as much as you do. It often shows up as needing reassurance or feeling uneasy when there's emotional or physical distance.

Whether your partner is away for the summer, a weeklong vacation, or just a few days, it helps to plan how you’ll approach the time apart, both as a couple and individually. That means having tools in place for connection, communication, and self-regulation when relational anxiety surfaces.

Here are a few helpful strategies:

1. Communicate Ahead of Time

Healthy communication is a key part of any strong relationship. If you know time apart may trigger anxiety for you, let your partner know before the trip. This gives them a chance to offer reassurance and connection, which can go a long way in easing anxious thoughts.

This is also a great time to set expectations for how you’ll stay in touch. You might discuss:

• How often you’d like to check in
  

• What to do if one of you isn’t available for a stretch
  

• How to express anxiety or sadness in a way that invites support

Try to treat this conversation as a shared plan rather than a rigid schedule. Talk about how you’d like to approach flexibility when plans change or needs shift during the trip.

2. Prepare for Connection While Apart

Planning ahead while you’re both feeling calm and connected can help ease the transition. If your partner will be gone for more than a few days, consider brainstorming ways to maintain closeness across the distance. A few ideas:

• Send each other a photo each day of something that reminded you of the other
  

• Have a daily video call where one of you gives a “tour” of something new
  

• Take turns sharing a story from your day on an evening call
  

• Keep it simple with check-in texts or a quick call to hear each other’s voices

The goal here is connection, not control. Consistency, even in small ways, can help bring stability to what might otherwise feel uncertain.

3. Invest in Your Life Outside the Relationship

When your partner is away, it can be easy to fall into a loop of wondering what they’re doing or waiting for them to return. This is often anxiety at work: your brain senses a problem and stays busy trying to solve it.

Instead, use this time to reconnect with yourself and your support system. Spend time with friends or family, return to hobbies, or try something new. Not only does this bring your stress levels down, but it helps you remember who you are outside of your relationship. Maintaining your independence and sense of fulfillment can also reduce anxiety long term. And it’s genuinely good for you!

4. Check In and Adjust as Needed

Even if you’ve planned well, you may find that you’re still having a hard time. One or both of you might feel the distance more than expected, or communication may need some fine-tuning.

This is absolutely normal (expected, even!); just come back together to reassess. You might agree to:

• Add in a few more check-ins
  

• Make plans for a visit
  

• Talk more directly about emotional needs

Sometimes, though, you're both doing everything you can, and it still feels hard. If that’s the case, continue showing up for each other with kindness and consistency, and lean on individual strategies to care for your own anxiety.

5. Manage Anxiety on Your Own

Even if you’re in a loving relationship, have strong communication, and feel connected in other areas of life, distance can still be difficult. You may miss your partner and feel anxious, and that doesn’t mean anything is wrong.

Here are a few ways to manage relational anxiety when it shows up:

• Remember what you have. Take a few minutes to picture a specific memory of a time you felt loved or safe with your partner. Bring to mind as many details as you can, and really allow yourself to feel the emotions you had at the time.
  

• Call a friend. Reach out to someone you trust, even if it’s just to chat about their week or share a laugh. Human connection soothes the nervous system, and loved ones help us keep things in perspective.
  

• Take a walk. Moving your body and being outside, especially in nature, can bring immediate relief to anxious thoughts. Try to stay present in your surroundings, whether you're listening to music or the sounds of your neighborhood.
  

• Plan something for their return. Looking forward to reuniting can be grounding. Whether it’s a date night idea or a small surprise, having a future-focused mindset helps remind you the distance is temporary.

A Few Things to Avoid

When your anxiety is high, it’s easy to get pulled into behaviors that feel soothing in the moment but ultimately make you feel worse. Try to steer clear of:

• Refreshing their social media to keep tabs
  

• Assuming the worst or jumping to conclusions
  

• Making accusations that aren’t grounded in fact
  

• Seeking constant reassurance from your partner (or your friends)

When to Seek Support

Navigating distance in a relationship can be an opportunity for growth, but it can also bring up old wounds or insecurities. If you’re finding it hard to manage the anxiety or feeling stuck in a pattern that’s impacting your connection, therapy can help.

I work with individuals and couples across Michigan who want to feel more secure in their relationships, especially when anxiety and past relational trauma make that difficult. You don’t have to navigate this alone.

To get started with therapy, click the link below to schedule a free 15-minute consultation call.